Heavy Heart

DISCLAIMER: Ok, I normally don't get too sappy or wordy on this blog, but it's coming, so don't say I didn't warn you...

I started back to work this week. Something new that I am having to deal with is trying to find childcare for Bryce during the week of inservice. He cannot attend daycare anymore, and he won't start kindergarten until next week. So, I found out about this program at the Y. It's like a daycamp, and they were giving district employees a discount, so I thought it would be perfect. It had a theme called "Y-Idol," and if any of you know Bryce, that's right up his alley. I had family that could have watched him, but I felt like this would keep him busy, be convenient for all involved, and it was on the way for me. What a big friggin' mistake. I left early on Monday morning to take him to the church where the camp was being held. Mind you, by this point we had gotten zero information about the camp. I happened to find a parent handbook online the night before so that's how I knew to pack him a lunch. I took him in and found his name among the ten typed pages of names. I told the girl that it was his first day, and she said ok. No nametag. No tour. No nothing. I took him into a big, dark room where kids of all ages were sitting with ONE adult watching a movie. The girl told me that normally they are outside, but it was raining so they were watching a movie. I left him there. He was fine, I cried. I called three people on the way to school to tell them to assure me that he would be fine. When I went to pick him up, I was greeted by a kid that couldn't have been more than 8. He asked me who I was here to pick up. I said, "Um, Bryce." The kid disappeared. I signed Bryce out, and waited. And waited. I finally began to walk around myself. I saw the kid who shrugged his shoulders and said, "I can't find him." Excuse me? Once he found out his age, he knew where to look and thankfully, Bryce was there. I never met his "counselor" or any single adult that was in charge. Upon seeing me, Bryce ran to me and said, "Mommy, I DO NOT want to come here again. It was not fun." On the way out the door, some lady said, "Oh, bye. Maybe tomorrow can be a swim day." Um, what? I said, "Um, what?" She proceeded to tell me that they would get on a bus (all million of them) and go swimming at the Y the next day. Ok, does he need a swimsuit? Are you kidding me! Once I questioned Bryce, all they did was watch movies all day. Apparently the rain threw them off and making a plan b was too much. He also told me that they made them lay on the "yucky, dirty floor with no pillow or blanket or anything." He also said that he cried so hard he couldn't breathe during some movie they watched. So, what did I do? I proceeded to cry. No, bawl. He said, "Mommy, why are you crying?" I said, "I'm just sooo sorry you had to go there (in between broken sobbing fits). He said, "Mommy, is your heart broken?" So, needless to say, he did not return there. Scott and I have a meeting with the coordinator person next week. Thanks to my wonderful in-laws who saved the day for us, he will be staying with family this week (which I should have done to begin with!!). This makes me so nervous for him to begin kindergarten. I know he'll be at my school, and he just so happens to have my good friend, Angie, but I am not sure that I am ready to let him go! I know I have taken him to daycare for his whole life, but somehow this is different. They are still so young at five, and I can't imagine how it must feel as a parent who doesn't get to stay right down the hall. I've already told my team that they will have to majorly distract me because I'm afraid I will be a wreck! He's my baby!! So, long story short, I am sure that next Monday will bring many different emotions for a lot of us. I couldn't even handle the Y. I have a lot of friends whose kids are starting kinder, too. So, good luck to Jennifer, Shannon, Laurie, Holly, and Kerri. I hope y'all will do a better job than I will of sending our babies off!!